Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Back to school

I’m not there yet. It’s an odd place to be…waiting. Today I received an email that unofficially guaranteed that I will be teaching in India in the first week of September. It’s not from the government, which is why I say it is unofficial.

I don’t feel like writing. I have to post today just to keep Augusts’ entries in multiples of five. That’s probably why I don’t feel like writing. I have to write. I imagine it is that way for students too. Always told what to write and when it’s due would stifle any writer. This past year in 9th grade classes I began “H day writing.” It could be any day in the cycle. On this day a piece of free writing was due, at least one page.

Both the students and I loved it. They were able to write about anything or create a story and continue it each week. I pushed all other papers aside and read the H day writing first. I wanted to know what my students had to say. About anything. About everything. Sometimes I suggested topics and now I have a list of ideas I could issue to a student who doesn’t know what to write about. More often than not every student knew what he or she wanted to write.

I want to do this with all my classes this year. I will. This summer I worked with a few colleagues on using a blog in the classroom. I have a link to the blog that contains our discussion (GHS Blogtalk). For teachers who want to use the technology that is available and that many students are using already makes perfect sense to me.

What a great way to talk about literature. I could post a comment and then other students can post comments and respond to each other. When I posted the entry about “The Overcoat” by Nikolai Gogol, I included a link to the story so anyone could read it. Then someone could comment on the story and the points that I raised.

I’m reading Snow Falling on Cedars now. Mr. Walker assigns it for AP English summer reading. More than anything I hope I can dialogue with his students about the novel.

My days are easily filled. I visit my friends who are parents and take long walks. I run every other day and I go to Yankee games. I write letters of recommendation and I play Scrabble on the computer. I read and I write emails. This time can’t last forever.

Music: "The Way We Get By" Spoon- Kill the Moonlight

Friday, August 25, 2006

Let go...

August's blog entries all end in multiples of five. How can I mess that up?

I am posting the email I sent out to many of my family members and friends.

Hello Family & Friends,

I appreciate your concern about my plans to travel to India. Right now I still have no idea when I am going. I have no flight itinerary and no concrete news from the Fulbright organization. The last I heard the orientation was moved to Sept. 13.

However, with no immediate approval of all seven Americans' work visas, it is hard to imagine that I will be in India by then. Once our visas are approved by the Government of India we have to get them stamped into our passports at the consulate in the states.

The Fulbright people email us periodically to let us know that they are not the ones responsible for the delay. It is completely up to the Government of India to approve the visa. They say they have been asking regularly.

Again, I appreciate your interest. I have hope that I am going, but I don't have my bags packed. In the meantime I am visiting friends and spending time with Bart. With the found time, I am on an extra vacation.
Love, Kim

Yes, I'm still here. It's odd. Last year by this time I had my entire application completed, essay written and I asked the three people I wanted to write recommendations. Hoping and dreaming that I would one day see India.

I still hope. I have no control of the situation. With the London "terrorist" threat and then this plane rerouted from Mumbai, one may wonder that these complications are adding to the delay. I don't know. Who knows?

I ran tonight and the music pushed me along. Foo Fighters, Gomez, Josh Rouse and Red Hot Chili Peppers…an interesting mix on Bart’s Shuffle. The breeze in Central Park made it easy tonight. When I ran by Bethesda Fountain and saw a couple getting their picture taken on the top of the steps I thought about how magical and amazing Central Park is.

I wanted to run at Tod’s Point today. I had my beach pass and I was in Greenwich all day. It rained. And rained. If it was warmer I would have gone for the run. It’s just hard to start in the rain; if it starts raining while I’m running I’m fine. Tod’s Point might be one of the most beautiful places on the East Coast.

Central Park’s not bad though. It’s my backyard. I saw all sorts of people running today and we all were breathing along. I stashed a Glacier Freeze Gatorade by the tree near my entrance and when I picked it up and took my first swig this man said; oh that’s a nice spot. No one touches it there. I took off the Shuffle and replied: That’s my secret surprise when I finish my run. I look forward to it. He told me that some people stopped him on the Reservoir to ask him for a light. A light, he laughed, I’m in the least clothes I could wear and I’m sweating. Ha, ha I can’t wait to share this at a dinner party tonight. New York City. He went north on Central Park West-a neighbor somewhere on the Upper West Side. We use the same entrance to the Park.

Tomorrow I’m going to the theatre. I figured I should act like I’m not going anywhere and just carry on. I can’t dwell on the situation. In the big picture, it’s not that important. Finding time is like that five dollar bill that turns up in my winter coat pocket. A little treat. I’m enjoying it and aiming to let go of all anxiety and anticipation…

Sunday, August 20, 2006

"The Overcoat"

"The Overcoat” by Nikolai Gogol aroused in me a yearning for a class discussion in Honors Modern World Literature. Instead, I pose some questions and thoughts myself, hoping one would read the story and offer some input.
I read the story because after reading The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri I could not let the themes resonate without reading the story that is alluded to throughout the novel.

Below is an excerpt of an interview on “Book Browse” with Jhumpa Lahiri:

"You quote Dostoyevsky as saying, 'We all came out of Gogol's overcoat.' Has Nikolai Gogol had any influence on you as a writer?

I'm not sure influence is the right word. I don't turn to Gogol as consistently as I do to certain other writers when I'm struggling with character or language. His writing is more overtly comic, more antic and absurd than mine tends to be. But I admire his work enormously and reread a lot of it as I was working on the novel, in addition to reading biographical material. "The Overcoat" is such a superb story. It really does haunt me the way it haunts the character of Ashoke in the novel. I like to think that every writer I admire influences me in some way, by teaching me something about writing. Of course, without the inspiration of Nikolai Gogol, without his name and without his writing, my novel would never have been conceived. In that respect, this book came out of Gogol's overcoat, quite literally."


The overcoat itself alters Akakii Akakievich’s life immensely. The warmth, security and pride Akakievich feels when he wears it causes his colleagues to take note of him. They change their attitude towards him because he now wears a coat that fits into his peer’s view of social status. Writing that I can’t help but to think of the status placed in wearing expensive name brands that reveal immediately the price that was paid for the item. I see this regularly in high school. Adolescence tend to value the socioeconomic status that clothes portray.

(Personal Connection) I recall wearing a simple sky blue Polo sweater to work, one that was at least twenty years old. A student who often wore Polo clothes complimented me. I thought that it must be because it was Polo because I have an identical white Gap sweater and I have never received a compliment on it. I’m not saying that receiving a compliment merits the clothes. But the brand certainly impacted this student’s simple “I like your sweater.”

Akakievich’s new winter coat causes change in his life because of the financial strain placed upon him. Compassion and acceptance, in addition to the protection from the cold, shift Akakievich’s disposition. “That whole day was truly a most triumphant festival day for Akakii Akakievich. He returned home in the most happy frame of mind…” (Gogol).
He was even invited to a party on account of his new coat, and upon leaving the event “Akakii Akakievich went on in a happy frame of mind: he even started to run, without knowing why…” (Gogol). However, the story changes from here and offers, as any great Russian writer must, a social commentary.
The character named Gogol in Lahiri’s novel puts on his overcoat metaphorically when he legally changes his name. Unlike Akakievich, Gogol’s life was not lonely and empty because of his mundane existence. In fact the only time Gogol was mocked in the novel (to my recollection) was when his sister affectionately called him “Goggles.” Gogol puts the pressure on himself. It’s as if he feels haunted by the name that meant nothing to him; it is only later he learns of the origin of his name from his father. I question what caused Gogol’s discomfort. Akakievich was unbothered by his peer’s mockery of his shabby overcoat and his lack of desire to achieve more. But Gogol deliberately avoided his family and filled his life with new people who only knew him as Nikhil, his new name.

Being content and satisfied in life drives my idea of success. Akakievich was successful prior to needing his new overcoat because he was at peace with his life. Gogol was not fulfilled until he came to accept the role his family played in his life.

Another great Russian writer, Anton Chekhov explores success in his short story “Gooseberries.” The plot involves the brother Ivan Ivanovitch telling his friends the story of his brother who spent his whole life working for a home with gooseberry bushes in the yard. Once he obtains the house, Ivan visits and cannot believe that his brother is content. He rants about it to his listeners:

"I saw a happy man whose cherished dream was so obviously fulfilled, who had attained his object in life, who had gained what he wanted, who was satisfied with his fate and himself. There is always, for some reason, an element of sadness mingled with my thoughts of human happiness, and, on this occasion, at the sight of a happy man I was overcome by an oppressive feeling that was close upon despair. It was particularly oppressive at night. A bed was made up for me in the room next to my brother's bedroom, and I could hear that he was awake, and that he kept getting up and going to the plate of gooseberries and taking one. I reflected how many satisfied, happy people there really are! 'What a suffocating force it is! You look at life: the insolence and idleness of the strong, the ignorance and brutishness of the weak, incredible poverty all about us, overcrowding, degeneration, drunkenness, hypocrisy, lying. . . . Yet all is calm and stillness in the houses and in the streets; of the fifty thousand living in a town, there is not one who would cry out, who would give vent to his indignation aloud. We see the people going to market for provisions, eating by day, sleeping by night, talking their silly nonsense, getting married, growing old, serenely escorting their dead to the cemetery; but we do not see and we do not hear those who suffer, and what is terrible in life goes on somewhere behind the scenes. . . . Everything is quiet and peaceful, and nothing protests but mute statistics: so many people gone out of their minds, so many gallons of vodka drunk, so many children dead from malnutrition. . . . And this order of things is evidently necessary; evidently the happy man only feels at ease because the unhappy bear their burdens in silence, and without that silence happiness would be impossible. It's a case of general hypnotism. There ought to be behind the door of every happy, contented man some one standing with a hammer continually reminding him with a tap that there are unhappy people; that however happy he may be, life will show him her laws sooner or later, trouble will come for him -- disease, poverty, losses, and no one will see or hear, just as now he neither sees nor hears others. But there is no man with a hammer; the happy man lives at his ease, and trivial daily cares faintly agitate him like the wind in the aspen-tree -- and all goes well.
That night I realized that I, too, was happy and contented,” Ivan Ivanovitch went on, getting up. “I, too, at dinner and at the hunt liked to lay down the law on life and religion, and the way to manage the peasantry. I, too, used to say that science was light, that culture was essential, but for the simple people reading and writing was enough for the time. Freedom is a blessing, I used to say; we can no more do without it than without air, but we must wait a little. Yes, I used to talk like that, and now I ask, 'For what reason are we to wait?' " asked Ivan Ivanovitch, looking angrily at Burkin. "Why wait, I ask you? What grounds have we for waiting? I shall be told, it can't be done all at once; every idea takes shape in life gradually, in its due time. But who is it says that? Where is the proof that it's right? You will fall back upon the natural order of things, the uniformity of phenomena; but is there order and uniformity in the fact that I, a living, thinking man, stand over a chasm and wait for it to close of itself, or to fill up with mud at the very time when perhaps I might leap over it or build a bridge across it? And again, wait for the sake of what? Wait till there's no strength to live? And meanwhile one must live, and one wants to live!"

This story, discussed at length in Honors Short Fiction, troubles me. I repeatedly think of the man with hammer knocking on the conscience of my being. Is my contentment at the expense of others? Should I give any money I have to charities? The questions can get quite absurd when I think of it now. Being aware as I am of some of the worldly suffering does not make me a terrible person. What I do with my awareness is what matters. Ivanovitch says at the end of his lecture, “one wants to live.” Of course. Living involves consuming products and food and entertainment. Wearing nice clothes is not a terrible thing. Flaunting it can be awful and excluding others because of it can also be a wicked thing too. But most of us don’t do that.
Reading rouses my conscience. It probes the ideas I already have and provides more material to construct my voice. These pieces challenge me to consider the necessity of an overcoat. Lahiri explained that Gogol “had spent years maintaining distance from his origins…and yet it had not been possible to reinvent himself fully, to break from that mismatched name…” (Lahiri 281, 287). The overcoat never left him as much as he wanted it to. Akakievich’s overcoat, literally stolen, caused his death. One must have warmth and security. The coats that provide that in our lives must be recognized and treasured so they last a long time.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

suspended

Today would be the day I travel to India. My trip has been postponed. Indefinitely. No news yet. I'm in New York City. In my apartment. Waiting.

The work visa is delayed. It's not just my work visa. All seven Americans.
No reason given. Left for me to hypothesize.

I dreamed vividly last night that I wasn't going to India. Moping around today, reading stories in The Times of India about the Independence Day celebrations and heightened security (And Pakistan), I thought I have to do something to make it feel like I'm going. So I pulled out my massive suitcase from the bottom of my closet. I put two pairs of leather boots out next to it and then cleaned the rest of my closet.

How do I feel? Suspended emotion. I want to be excited, anxious, anticipating the adventure; but I just feel blah.

I bought Yankee tickets today through Craig's List. I'm hoping Sree will go with me to the game this Thursday. A day game is a glorious way to spend the afternoon.

This past Saturday was the going away party. Forty-four people came to celebrate with me. The catered Indian food delighted everyone, even Sree. I smiled and talked and laughed. The pictures are some of my friends and family at the party.

My mom. She's in the first and last picture. What a fantastic woman. We love to laugh together. With all the massive changes in her life, mainly the move, I see her spirit persist. I'm lucky to have her as my mother.

When I found out that the trip to Delhi was postponed, I was told that I would leave August 27th. I hope that's the case. I'll keep you posted.


Going Away Party
Aug 12, 2006 - 9 Photos

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Being a winner

The film “Little Miss Sunshine” defines a winner according to several characters. The mom’s definition ranked highest above the rest. Exposing hardship with complete honesty, being who you are, and believing in the bond of family encompassed the core of her philosophy of life. I had a few tears at the end of the film. The themes of the film gratified me. I believed in each of the characters. I wanted them all to win. And in their own ways they each triumphed gloriously.

The father drilled the theory of believing in yourself as a winner. The mindset will lead one to the victory. The question I pose is how much do we control our winnings? This answer varies according to the individual, the situation, and the culture.

One activity that we did at the orientation was to look at how our culture viewed various issues. The first one was the locus of control. On one end of the spectrum was the self-derived destiny. One makes his or her life what he or she wants it to be. On the other was the concept of fate or a higher being controlling the course of destiny. Of all the cultures represented, America and India differed most on this question, and just about all the other values on the list.

What’s the correct definition of a winner then? Is it someone who thinks like a winner and then wins? Or is it someone who accepts life’s situations and trusts that all will work out? There cannot be a right answer. That’s how prejudice begins. The “I’m right-you’re wrong” mentality breeds superiority and inevitably leads to behaviors that reveal that one is better than the other.

Winners have to understand that they are not the only winners. This way we can live with an understanding that there cannot be one way to win.
Let’s not apply this to athletic competition. Rather the abstract philosophy of life and how one lives life.

I highly recommend seeing “Little Miss Sunshine.” It’s made me feel more connected to America and the conglomeration of people who make it what it is.

More pictues to view...This Picasa has solved the challenges I had uploading pictures into the blog. Now there are more than one to see!

August pictures with Sree
Aug 10, 2006 - 6 Photos

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Mutual Understanding

Returning from my familiar and comfortable New York City yoga studio, I sit down at the friendly computer- immediately feeling connected to the people I know. I put on Itunes and listen to Josh Rouse. A few weeks ago Bart and I had dinner with Josh Rouse and his band. That night we felt like completely hip downtown New Yorkers. Two members of the band (drummer and bass) went to Marist College with Bart and me. “Hags,” a fellow English major, was in several of my classes. I haven’t seen him for at least ten years, maybe more, so this reconnection thrilled me.

Alexandra, Virginia, a suburb of Washington DC, hosted about 500 Fulbright affiliates over the past week. Becoming a part of this community is an honor. Among the other orientation activities, all I initially cared about was meeting Ms. Sreelekha Sarcar. We met on Tuesday, August 1 after lunch. Beforehand I wondered if I should hug her or shake hands and hoped that I would be able to show my enthusiasm and respect at the same time. I approached the table where other Indian teachers sat and immediately Sree jumped up and said, Kim! and hugged me. No thought involved-just overwhelming emotion.

Imagine the energy at this gathering. Many of the international teachers (from about 23 countries) arrived in America for the first time and the American teachers anxiously wanted to meet the person who wrote all the emails that began the relationship many months ago. If this kind of energy and emotion could be spread out across the world, the world would be transformed. We all wanted to know more, to learn, to experience and to see whether we would get along. Of course all personalities don’t mesh, as a domineering person may not click with a forthright person.

The last night at the orientation consisted of dinner and presentations from all the cultures represented. There was an emcee and a deejay (dj) and a stage to host the entertainment. The emcee announced that the first country requested to go first. I couldn’t imagine which country it would be but based on the noise coming from the table representing Mexico I thought it might be them. No, it was the United Kingdom. The exchanges to the U.K. dominate in numbers; there are about thirty matches in contrast to the seven exchanges from India. That group sang a little song for us.

France’s presentation won my prize for being the wittiest and funniest. There was one man and about seven French women who brought just a chair on the stage for their performance. The man dynamically told the audience that we were about to see something never performed on stage before. We were not to try this at home. Behind him, the women warmed up, stretching and making a scene of getting athletically ready for some drastic feat. And then with a tap-tap-tap drum roll from a cooking pan, the feat began. The man climbed atop a chair and four women kneeled at the corners and outstretched their arms towards his legs. He held up a flag and without saying anything, the audience roared with recognition of the famous Eiffel Tower. The remaining ladies sang a sweet French tune about the Eiffel Tower and sashayed across the back of the stage. Hysterical. Give it up for the French sense of humor.

India performed two classic Indian dances, one from the North and one from the South. The Indian women stole the show for their beauty and dress. Jennifer B., my good friend from NYC, loaned me a sari that she bought in India many years ago. I asked Sree to tie it for me. It’s quite complicated and it will take me awhile to figure it out. Then she did my makeup and I adorned my forehead with a bindi, the mark to cover the third eye. To be included in the Indian group was a privilege. Bashobi, a Kolkata native, also loaned Brad, a Hawaiian, the traditional men’s attire for the evening.

The picture is of us at the end of the night after all of us went on the stage and danced after the Americans performed “The Electric Slide!” (I am having problems posting photos right now. I'm working on figuring out why.)

Revisiting the sweltering heat, no cooler at night, the elation slowly diminished. I fell behind in the walk to the other hotel with Bashobi’s husband. He said if what happened tonight could happen everywhere there might be peace. It’s true. Being exposed to other cultures encourages one to understand why people do things the way they do. Culture, when viewed only by behaviors, excludes the opportunity to recognize the values and beliefs that drive actions.

To me, being cultured is one of the highest compliments one can receive. Being cultured requires open-mindedness, a sense of humor, and the ultimate acceptance that we are all a part of the human race.

Orientation
Aug 2, 2006 - 18 Photos